im_gonna_heal_u

Oh. I... yeah, that all makes sense. I guess if it were easy I wouldn't be having so much trouble with it. [ Though now that she's been through the transformations a couple of times, there's a part of it that she's not sure she should keep ignoring while talking about it. ]

I... I think it'd probably be easier for me to deal with all of this if the transformations just put it all in there. But it's not like it makes me... well, attracted to anyone I've kissed when it happens. It just makes me not care about the reasons why you don't kiss every pretty girl you meet.

Well, it's true you'll have to show restraint around people that don't want to kiss.

But if it happens and everyone liked it, I don't really regret it. To explain what I mean on that, I'll tell you what I told someone on the network a few days back.

Monogamy was a thing I understood and respected because there was just one person who was special to me that way back at home.

I still miss her. And I doubt I'll ever find her replacement out here.

But after a year? I've found that I don't need to. Everyone I've been close to is their own unique relationship. Sex doesn't really factor in it, I've found. As long as everyone is honest, sex alone doesn't really define a relationship.

Edited 2021-04-11 01:09 (UTC)

Oh, so that's what you meant when you mentioned not being monogamous back then. [ Of course, it's not like the idea is completely foreign to her. She knew it was a thing back home, after all. Not that she knew anyone who wasn't monogamous back home, but that was besides the point.]

And you... you don't feel guilty about being with people that aren't her? Or at least anymore? I mean, I'm pretty sure the feelings I'm acting on during the transformations... aren't coming from the transformation. It doesn't make me think your cute or anything like that. [ Not to mention some of the other girls she's met here.]

It's like... the transformation just makes me not care about how I feel about Hibiki. Or even that there might be more important things to worry about than kissing a pretty girl that I just met. [Yeah she's even less happy about how the kissing went with Zelda than with Konoka. ]

Ah, that.

[ Konoka had a better idea of what was actually bothering Miku now. ]

You don't like how the transformations make you lose control of yourself. I knew that feeling, back in Lunatia.

Well, compared to what I experienced here so far, Lunatia was worse. I got ravenously horny. And super agreeable. That's not a good combination regardless of people's views on sex. You can imagine how scary that must be if I had approached someone I would normally not like or even worse, would use me for their own ends. I was pretty much lucky that never happened.

But... there was one thing I could do, even if I couldn't fight those urges. Make plans around it, of course!

Much better to find a safe spot or have a plan around it than to fight a losing battle against crazy outside influences.

Konoka paused for a moment. Should she bring up something else, too? Well, it'll help the context, so she might as well.

I even knew that feeling before Lunatia. It's scary.

[ ...Well, yes, that definitely sounded worse. A lot worse. At least she was only acting the way that she was around people she thought were attractive. She's not exactly sure how she can plan around her transformations though. It's not like she could chain herself to her bed for a week. Or even know when it was going to happen, for that matter.

At the mention of knowing the feeling before any of this though, her eyes widen a little. Sure, she also has some experience with not being in control of herself before coming here, but...]

When you say that part about knowing it before Lunatia, you're not talking about the 'ravenously horny' part, are you?

Oh no. Oh no no no no no!

[ Konoka quickly asserted. ]

It's just that... way back at home, someone's kidnapping schemes on me finally worked. When she used my power to summon a frighteningly powerful demon, she assured me that it wouldn't hurt, and that it would actually feel good.

...she wasn't lying.

In the grand scheme of things, it didn't matter much since my friends saved me anyway, but it kinda stuck with me when I showed up on Lunatia.

... No. That definitely matters a lot. It doesn't matter if you were saved. Being in a situation at all like that is just awful.

[Unless she's really misunderstanding what Konoka means by what she's saying. But she's not all that sure there's really much room to misunderstand the scenario that Konoka's describing. ]

You're right.

[ Konoka meant to say that what didn't matter was the woman's scheming, since Konoka couldn't be bothered to hold a grudge. But that had been clumsy. ]

It had been. But I'm alright now.

I'm glad.

[ She's not sure if she should bring up what happened to her, but... well... ]

I... before I was brought here, I got kidnapped and possessed back home. And... well, I... [She pauses, before deciding to say something else instead.]

After what happened to you, how long did it take you to be okay? Emotionally, I mean.

Oh my gosh, possessed? How awful! I'm glad you're alright now, though.

[ Konoka had to think on that though, and she's not sure if Miku would believe that she had mostly recovered by the time the field trip was over... if only because so much happened afterward. ]

It took me a few weeks. By that time, I was so busy that I didn't have time to dwell on it.

Yeah. By a god. Or rather an alien claiming to be a god, I guess. [ Either way, same difference in the end.

She frowns a little at that last part of what Konoka said, frowning a little. ]

I guess that would help. Other than when things go weird here I don't really have a lot of stuff going on to keep me from dwelling on it.

I guess I'm so used to stuff happening that I rarely get down time. That time when I first got here and just hid in my apartment for a little while, I didn't know what to do with myself!

But maybe if you're feeling the need for a good distraction, talk to the locals and see if they have something similar to a hobby at home?

...Yeah, I guess that might help. I guess I could try running again. Haven't really done much of that in a while.

[ She pauses for a moment. ]

Or doing more with music, I guess. Or both. Just something more structured to keep my mind off of, uh, everything. If keeping busy really was does help with stuff like that.

So, uh, do you have any hobbies?

That's a good idea.

My hobbies? I like books, and researchin' new magic I can use!

[ Does she dare bring up her naughty hobbies she picked up in Lunatia? No, probably not a good idea. ]

Surely there's lots to discover here, so I like exploring this place too!

Well, I can't really relate much to the magic thing, but reading's always good too.

[ At the mention of exploring though, she blushes a little. Good thing that it's just a voice call so that she doesn't have to explain why.]

Ah... yeah. I've done a little bit of that too. Some of the things I stumbled on though were a bit... much.

A bit much? What kind of places were those? Were they like, sex toy shops or something?

[ A year in Lunatia had frayed much of Konoka's sense of shame. ]

... That's exactly what they were, yeah.

[ Right, she keeps forgetting that Konoka's already been in a place where sex was a much more open thing than back home. ]

Don't worry, you'll get used to it at some point! And if you don't then, that's okay too!

[ Probably not the most helpful advice, but at least it comes from a good place! ]

But you won't get used to it diving in the deep end, take it slow. Go to the adult side of the library, to start!

I... uh... I'll keep that in mind.

[ Not that she can imagine herself in that part of the library yet, her face was already beat red just hearing the suggestion.]

Hey... thanks for hearing me out though, even if it was you who called me.

[ Just having the chance to clear the air between herself and Miku felt immense satisfying. ]

I'm around if you have any questions, okay?

Uh... you're welcome? Though, uh, I think I probably should be the one thanking you.

[ What Konoka said was, well, at least somewhat of a help for her, after all. She does blush at the last thing though. ]

And uh... yeah, okay. I'll do that.

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